I have been taught the mantra “No Harm to Self, Other and Space” by Kath through watching her at work with the Authentic Artists in a wonderful array of workshops, rehearsals and human interactions. I have used it in my own thinking in class and when considering coaching also.
At this time of year when we tend to have an unexpected array of nothingness or everything-overwhelm, I reflect on this mantra going forward.
No Harm to Self – or at least no lasting harm should be done to self which can’t be quickly righted by reducing the calorific intake, the alcohol intake, or the number of humans surrounding us. I’m an only child brought up by my Nan, and whilst she and I prepared Christmas Dinner for my god-family and my mother, this was a table of 9 including us compared to the 23 (I think) on Christmas Day (and again today). When I entered the wonderful world of Kath and her mum I had to come to terms with an ever growing array of siblings, their children, and their children’s children. A buffet table planned for 2pm for lunch just about got to everyone sitting down by 4pm after navigating the last to arrive, the ovens across two properties, and the last minute decision by a load of the family to get on with a santa delivered water fight. One older member of the family just said quietly to me, as I was moving off to have a wee break, that everyone needs to find quiet moments in the array of family – even those responsible for one lineal line of this amazing family.
No Harm to Other is a phrase which feels important to stay in my mind throughout my interactions creatively, professionally, with friends, and even with my strong views about the world. It is easy to be quick to criticise a political stance or the writing or opinions of another. It is easy to fail to read the body language of another, or to listen beyond the words of someone we may not see that often. In class it is easy to play the professor and not atune to the learning styles of another. And in relationships – casual, poly, heteronormative, queer, open, committed, or just friends – it is so easy to jump past the conscious consideration of consent to just jumping in and presuming you and your ‘mate’ are always on the same page. [My niece has just taught me a great consent mnemonic which I will explore more – with their permission in another blog]
I find at this time of year, I bounce along minding my own self and appearing on facebook and to most people to be the jolly enjoyer of all things festive. That level and style of self-presentation is open to being unhelpful for people who may be challenged by the positivity and postings. Those that know me know the nuances of who I am – but the facebook-bluesky-grady-persona can sometimes be thoughtless to others.
Both of these are a two way street. I’m organising a big event with colleagues in May of next year which needs to have at the heart of all we do the phrase ‘no harm to other’ but at the same time everyone who attends will be asked to remember the phrase ‘no harm to self’. We need to live in a world where no amount of trigger warnings can (or should) protect us from living a vibrant life….carefully. A child kept in mothballs doesn’t learn to get up when they fall. An adult protected from any interaction does not learn to navigate a world of images and words, finding inner strength.
And finally No Harm to Space. This is especially relevant to Kath and me this festive season. We worked out we have, to date, slept in 11 different places over the last two weeks. For me I started in Blackness, headed to London, Horsham, Stratford, London, Amsterdam, Blackness, Edinburgh airport for a night, a night on a plane which we are not counting, and then 3 different beds across the Byronshire world of Kath’s relatives. We have at least 3 more here in Australia before we have 3 at a convention/retreat before starting for home.
Each space we visit – whether hotel room or family spare room, we aim to leave as loved as possible, and where we can we will leave the space even more well loved. In a hotel Kath taught me to try and strip the bed before we leave so there is one less task for the exhausted chamber-staff. In a family space we find something which will give our hosts joy, or take a task away from them before another guest arrives.
In workshops Kath is incredibly clear to her participants that the Space in which artists work is part of the creative process. Innately we know, I think, when we enter a space or a home where there have been generations of creative love and happiness present. It feels we can add to that goodness in a space.
I remain happily amused to remember some 20 years ago being gifted for a few nights a flat in New York which was owned by a mega global film star. It was beautifully appointed, amazingly homely, and had everything. We were told a lovely story by a family member of that star. When they bought the flat from another film star the only thing left in the flat were three chipped coffee mugs. So when we left we had the pleasure of buying 6 new inexpensive but nice mugs to leave for the current filmstar owner together with a thank you note. It was fun to do.
So take care of yourselves, others, and the spaces you inhabit over this festive period. Do not be overwhelmed by the love washing over facebook and other platforms, be true to yourself and allow yourselves time to rest in preparation for 2025. In the words of the late great Harrison Owen: Whatever Happens in 2025 is the only thing that could happen. We are the Right People to try and navigate through the year. When it Starts it Starts wherever you are in the world. And I think we should all be Prepared to be Surprised – but not all surprises are negative. Let’s be open to using our creativity to be part of lovely surprises too.